Walk By Faith, Not By Sight

I don't know if this will go anywhere. I started one before, but forgot all my username information, etc. But this could be a good way to keep you informed (because you all know how terrible I am at calling people these days...)

Well... to start off... Adam and I have been broken up for a week and a half.

We had been having problems. I didn't really talk about it to anyone (which is rare for me) because I was afraid that by talking about it, it would make it more real. My dream relationship having problems? No way. But the truth was that I felt God tapping on my shoulder (the same I had felt when I was with Jeff). I eventually convinced myself that if God wanted us to break up, He would find a way (like He did with Jeff). And He did. It was completely mutual. The reason why I believe it was God was because neither of us planned on it, even though we both felt like it was necessary. And because it wasn't a fight. We both kept putting it off, avoiding it, and then it came to a head Sunday afternoon.We both still love each other. We both feel as though we could get back together, still see a future together. But we also both feel that we don't want to trust in that. We want to trust in the Lord. I fought my natural instincts and knew it was God. Knew He wanted it, knew it was best. Even though it was so hard.

The Lord wants to work in our hearts. And show us that we need to trust in Him, love him enough, no matter the outcome (no matter if we get back together or not).

My heart:

• I have always had a problem depending on people. Why is this a problem? People will always fail me! They aren't perfect. And eventually, they will die. I need to remove this habit and focus it on the one CONSTANT: the Lord of my life, who loves me more than any human ever can.
• I have a false ideal picture of a husband/marriage in my heart. Growing up, I lingered a little too long on fairy tales and chick flicks and good heartwarming fiction. God needs to prepare my heart for the real picture, for the reality. I do believe that marriage in God's plan will be perfect and happy, but not in my way. In His.
• Faith. I have to learn to trust in Him first. To walk by faith, and not by sight. To not make my own plans, but put my life in His hands. By breaking up with my love to see what God has in store, to obey Him... I'm putting my faith comletely in Him. Not only that, but I need to develop a true relationship with Him. Instead of waking up wanting to hear from/see Adam, I want to wake up ready to spend time in the Word, ready to see what God is wanting to say to me.

Adam's Heart:

• Well, obviously, I'm not going to share the condition of Adam's heart. It's personal to him.
• But I wanted to visually show that we both have things and issues that need to be worked on, that we can't fix ourselves. We have tried going on "breaks" before, but that didn't work either.
• One thing I can say, is that if we ever get back together, it will be his move. We have talked about that. He will pursue me in a Godly way, and it will be because he is sure that it will be forever.

Summary: Basically... We both need to allow God to work in and change our hearts, individually. My prayer is that He will mold my heart to His. That He will prepare me for the future - with or without Adam. If it is His will, He will prepare me, finish His work, and then bring me back to Adam. But if it isn't, He will remove my feelings and help me to move on. And I will do that, walking by faith, and not by sight.