A Week Already?

It's been a week since I've written. Last week's post wasn't really an update on me though. So let's see..


After Adam and I broke up, I immediately picked up books that I felt would surely tell me how to know God intimately and how to have the right spirit, to develop His heart as my own, and so on. But last week as I was reading one of these, I felt God kind of nudge me on the shoulder and say, "Don't you think that the best way to know me is through MY Word?" I put the book down and picked up the Bible instead. I started at the beginning, and today I finished reading through the complete book of Genesis. Now, don't get me wrong, it's not like those books aren't helpful and inspiring. They offer a lot of insight and I still plan to read them some time. But right now I want to focus on the marvelous things He has done since the beginning of time.

Reading through Genesis has opened my eyes. How amazing our Lord is! He was right there with Noah, Abraham, Jacob, and Joseph, every day of their lives and promised them great things if only they would trust and serve Him. But how much more amazing it is that it is still the same way for us now, today. He is with me every day, and promises me many blessings, if only I will trust Him. Why is it so hard? Even though I know His ways are better, I'm still so stubborn and mess up every day. Some days I feel so discouraged at how much I mess up. I wonder how He can continue to love me when I know I'm so disappointing. I have to constantly remind myself that our idea of love is nothing like His, and while I feel like I'm inadequate, He sees me as perfect because He created me.

It's hard for me to read stories of the Bible that I've heard so many times before, and think of them as REAL. That they really happened; these were real people on this earth, this ground. I like to look outside at the sun and the sky and think, "This is the same exact sun that Noah himself looked at, and the same sky that was above Joseph," etc. Even though those men are famous among Christians and we read and hear about them all the time, they were just men that God chose to use. Just people like you and me. It makes me think... I wonder what God would do with me if only I were willing? If only I would yield?




Please pray for me as I make a HUGE decision regarding 1/2 of my summer. It would be something that would make me get out of my comfort zone completely, not just with people, but with food, housing, culture, etc. I'm having a hard time discerning God's will with this (or maybe I'm too scared..?)




How can I pray for you?

True Confessions

One time I went to the store to buy new underwear. I looked around and around, and couldn't find the kind that I always buy. I became distraught, until ah ha! There they were. I grabbed the first pair and made my way (triumphantly, I might add) to the check out line.

Note to self -and readers- check the size of underwear before you buy, so that when you get home, you do not have pairs that are 5 times too big! ... and don't be so embarassed to return underwear of the wrong size that you eventually just throw them away, months later.

These are some of the verses that are getting me through

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. Col 3:23

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions are new every morning; great is your faithfulness! I saw to myself, "The LORD is my portion, therefore I will wait for Him." Lamentations 3:22-24

The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

I desire to do Your will, O My God. Your law is within my heart. Psalm 40:8



If you know of any more that I could use, please feel free to share.

Your Language Arts Grade: 100%

Way to go! You know not to trust the MS Grammar Check and you know "no" from "know." Now, go forth and spread the good word (or at least, the proper use of apostrophes).

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Walk By Faith, Not By Sight

I don't know if this will go anywhere. I started one before, but forgot all my username information, etc. But this could be a good way to keep you informed (because you all know how terrible I am at calling people these days...)

Well... to start off... Adam and I have been broken up for a week and a half.

We had been having problems. I didn't really talk about it to anyone (which is rare for me) because I was afraid that by talking about it, it would make it more real. My dream relationship having problems? No way. But the truth was that I felt God tapping on my shoulder (the same I had felt when I was with Jeff). I eventually convinced myself that if God wanted us to break up, He would find a way (like He did with Jeff). And He did. It was completely mutual. The reason why I believe it was God was because neither of us planned on it, even though we both felt like it was necessary. And because it wasn't a fight. We both kept putting it off, avoiding it, and then it came to a head Sunday afternoon.We both still love each other. We both feel as though we could get back together, still see a future together. But we also both feel that we don't want to trust in that. We want to trust in the Lord. I fought my natural instincts and knew it was God. Knew He wanted it, knew it was best. Even though it was so hard.

The Lord wants to work in our hearts. And show us that we need to trust in Him, love him enough, no matter the outcome (no matter if we get back together or not).

My heart:

• I have always had a problem depending on people. Why is this a problem? People will always fail me! They aren't perfect. And eventually, they will die. I need to remove this habit and focus it on the one CONSTANT: the Lord of my life, who loves me more than any human ever can.
• I have a false ideal picture of a husband/marriage in my heart. Growing up, I lingered a little too long on fairy tales and chick flicks and good heartwarming fiction. God needs to prepare my heart for the real picture, for the reality. I do believe that marriage in God's plan will be perfect and happy, but not in my way. In His.
• Faith. I have to learn to trust in Him first. To walk by faith, and not by sight. To not make my own plans, but put my life in His hands. By breaking up with my love to see what God has in store, to obey Him... I'm putting my faith comletely in Him. Not only that, but I need to develop a true relationship with Him. Instead of waking up wanting to hear from/see Adam, I want to wake up ready to spend time in the Word, ready to see what God is wanting to say to me.

Adam's Heart:

• Well, obviously, I'm not going to share the condition of Adam's heart. It's personal to him.
• But I wanted to visually show that we both have things and issues that need to be worked on, that we can't fix ourselves. We have tried going on "breaks" before, but that didn't work either.
• One thing I can say, is that if we ever get back together, it will be his move. We have talked about that. He will pursue me in a Godly way, and it will be because he is sure that it will be forever.

Summary: Basically... We both need to allow God to work in and change our hearts, individually. My prayer is that He will mold my heart to His. That He will prepare me for the future - with or without Adam. If it is His will, He will prepare me, finish His work, and then bring me back to Adam. But if it isn't, He will remove my feelings and help me to move on. And I will do that, walking by faith, and not by sight.